I <3 this frikkin commercial

wow. just wow

Ever had life come and bite you in the ass? I have. There are some days I just wake up and look around at all the people I love...who I care about and I want to cry because for as hard has my life has been and will be..I still feel so lucky. For all the shit I've seen and been through..I know there are people out there who have it so much worse. While I lived in a fucked up house there were people living under a bridge. I made it out and I'm not just existing like so many people I know...I'm living. I can finally walk into starbucks or save mart and start up a conversation with a stranger. I can finally have the confidence to start trying to drive again. I have the courage to listen to whatever I want and dance however I want. I live to the beat of my own drum and I feel so alive. Its intoxicating. I feel like I can do anything right now. I think I'm finally going to start writing again and this time I'm going to finish it..even if it frikkin kills me. I'm gonna start working out again and treating my body better. More than anything I'm gonna love who I am right now and let go of all the things in the past. I've learned and grown from them and now its time to move on. I've already dwelled too long on other people's problems. Michael is right..I stress way too much. I need to let go and just enjoy the ride of where life takes me. Of course try to direct it in the way I want to go but not so much that I feel like my life is falling apart when something doesn't go as planned. I've learned that I'm going to trip and fall and bruise something..probably a hundred more times before I die..but I know now, that I'll always have myself to pick me back up and I'll always have loved ones who will be there to help..should I need them. If I ever have a child..I don't want to be the kind of parent whose afriad to let them fall and make mistakes. I want him/her to experience life for all its worth..even the bad parts if it will make them grow. They say, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger," and I agree but I also think it only applies if you let it make you stronger..if you choose to hide it may not kill you but it could cripple you in a sense..and then how are you really living anyways? I guess I'm kind of rambling. I've been avoiding updating this account for so long that all my thoughts are spilling out at once. The original point of this entry was to take a vow.

WILL
From now on I will take each day at a time with a positive outlook and hope. I will take a deep breath when things get hard and will continue on anyways. I will overcome any anxiety or depresson the arises because I know the inner me is strong. I will smile, laugh and hug more. I will make a point of being nice to strangers. I will be more open-minded about music. I will try new things..[even if they look gross/scary/hard.] I will work on my posture. I will eat more healthy.

WILL NOT
I will not take out my frusterations on other people, instead I will find a new creative outlet. I will not stop learning for once I do I might as well be dead. I will not judge or hate any person in which I do not know. Even if I know them I will not hate on them...[everyone makes mistakes and we all are learning and growing.] I will not give up on playing pool. [xD] I will not let the sims 2 rule my life. I will not push away any more of my family. I will not give up.


<3 Trinity
Darth Vei

[ps. ignore the typos. its late and I don't really care so poo.]

Wow.

Its breath taking how quickly life changes. How a new thing begins while another comes to a screeching halt. Guess in the midst of it all I haven't really updated. I miss Renee. I miss Lana. I haven't talked to Heather since this morning and I'm utterly bored. Its weird being on the internet when I haven't for so long...I've checked all my messages and now I'm waiting like a sitting duck (I miss tom!) waiting for everyone to reply. I've been talking to Leslie and she gave me her cell number..she has changed so much..I've gotta bring her up here for a weekend sometime so we can party. Her spirit is so carefree now..its neat. I talked to Renee today through myspace...she sounded happy to see me..and she listed me as her best friend on her little myspace quizzy thingy so I was a happy Trin. *hums the imperial march* I have a whole new meaning to that song. :] but its a secret. Daniel would have been proud on how much of a myspace whore I looked like today...its not the site I like..I was just excited about reaching my friends again. Clay even replied to my message because I told him I was moving and my life was changing so I might not be able to talk much...and he replied asking if the changes were good or bad. It caught me off guard that he would even be interested but it sounded like he generally cared. I miss having a wider circle of friends. I miss going out with them. I guess since I'm in modesto now it might happen a little less but hey..I'm down in Los Banos every week anyway.

Which reminds me.

I finally talked to Steve.

yes. steve.
I'm glad I had heather to talk to afterwards...

Its nice to have someone who has the background of shit for a childhood. Someone like me. Not that I wish a bad childhood on her..but it helps to have someone relate. Her mom and my mom are so...alike..but mine is worse. Ironically, I still have major pride for my family..I'd never swear them the greatest or even try to justify them..but I am the only one who can talk shit about them. Heather is the same way. Honestly, my friends, I'm in disbelief at how differently these past two years are turning out. Perhaps..everything really does happen for a reason.

I'm trying to update this as much as possible without really saying anything, lol.

Job Hunting. :D always an interesting subject *coughLIEScough* I wanna work for either Barnes and Nobles or In Shape..but the girl at In Shape wanted to put me in the Day Care area. Ha. Its like she wants me to go to jail for murder. jkjk. Actually a couple of people have told me I'm good with kids. (They saw me and my nephew together) and as strange as this sounds...I know exactly what I'd name my kids should I ever *god forbid* have any. All this job hunting has made me seriously examine what I want to do with my life. I wanna get into fitness training but not take it as far as my sister...I don't want a masters in physical education or really to be a provider. I wish to write and I want to take courses on psychology. I want my own company. I want a house so I can have a dog and some cats. By the time I'm 25 I will have my own house.

OH OH. I'm changing my last name..I just don't know to what yet. haha. and yes..I am serious. :O

*hugs*
<3 Darth Vei

I haven't updated in a while, no?

Well, today was a good day. Nee-chan has been here since yesterday because she stayed the night. She is actually staying another night but she is in the living room right now. We rented movies yesterday and I've been on a movie craze ever since. So far I've watched, in order as follows, Just Like Heaven,Waiting,and Red Eye. The first one was good. I loved Waiting and the third one was pretty dumb.

OH OH!

I bought new books on thursday when Heather, Lea and I went to Merced. I got:


Go Ask Alice-Anonymous
Shattered Mirror-Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Midnight Predator-Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Pirates-Celia Rees
The Faery Reel-Various Authors
The Water Mirror-Kai Meyer

I already read Go Ask Alice it took me around half a day if that. I just started Shattered Mirror a few hours ago. I'm excited. Amelia Atwater-Rhodes has been my favorite author for a long time now and I finally have most of her books. I've read them all except the two I just bought...and I'm still waiting for Wolfcry to come out. Anyway, Mary was saying there is a song about Go Ask Alice so I was wondering if anyone knew who it was by because no one seems to know and I really wanna hear it. The book was so sad. I cried at a few parts. I think it was because it was so real and something so close to how people these days feel. Perhaps, I just relate really well to her. I realize it was a diary and therefore, her actual feelings, thoughts, ideas, but it was easier for me to wrap my brain around that with this book. For instance, Anne Frank was written back in the 1940's and she spoke with such maturity and intelligence for her age that its hard to picture her life and her as a real teenager. With Alice the things she went through were so real and so intimate I don't think I could have handled it if it had been me. Anyways, I better get going- I wanna check out some communites.

Bye!

I've been feeling rather nostalgic lately. I believe its due to Heather moving and issues with my mother. There is a long story to that but right now I'm content and would rather not go into it. I just came across a lj community thats a pretty active music sharing community if anyone is interested. Its hard to find ones that are still active. Anyway its called addiction2music so you can go check it out if you want. I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight my friends.

MWA HA HAHAHAH. FEAR THE ALMIGHTY TRIN!!


...for she is now equipped with RED hair. :O

^^ I dyed my hair red earlier today. I actually had to do it twice because the first time left lots of brown blondish blotches..the blotches incurred the wrath of darth vei and were elminated. I have a coldsore though..so that sorta sucks but its going away pretty fast. Poor lea, ailea she is sick and her bday is in two days..January 10th..so go give her hugs and luff. :P Heather is over here right now taking a bath to try to get glue out of her hair. eh. I would never do that to my hair. She put in hair extentions on her own and then wanted to take them out today because the glue was bothering her and she wanted to dye her hair...the hair extentions came out but the glue refuses to budge. >_< I don't envy her._.

Not much to really update. While my life has been stressful...I'm feeling rather content at this moment. Maybe later I'll take some pictures so you can see my fire head. :]

I guess its a little late..but happy new year everyone. may this year be better than last.

farewell my peeps.

Ever had those horrible moments in time when someone says something that makes you completely doubt your own ability to choose the right people to put in company with you? The kind of thing a person can say that makes you wonder if the trust you hold so dearly really was misplaced in the hands of another? How do you know who tells the truth when one is obviously lying. In a situation so delicate is there really a way to set a trap for the deciever? Is it better to just trust no one at all? I think...I'm confused.

hahahaha. Now there is an obvious diagnosis. I always call lea "Captain Obvious" I think she may have the right to call me the same about now...

*le'sigh*

"When God created the first human beings, God led them around the garden of Eden and said: "Look at my works! See how beautiful they are -- how excellent! For your sake I created them all. See to it you do not spoil and destroy My world; for if you do, there will be no one else to repair it." R. Kohelet

XDDDD

c_trin: :D *waddles around*
c_darien: *chibi dance for no reason*
c_trin: *in a taco suit for no reason* xD
c_trin: *frolics to "what a wonderful world" for no reason*
c_jesse: x3 *gnawing on trin's taco suit*
c_trin: *while still in taco suit*
c_trin: o.o RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE.
c_trin: you're eating my taco!

A little

Songs:
'Simple Design'- Breaking Benjamin
'American Baby'- Dave Matthew's Band
'

alas, I have been lacking in both updating and commenting. Mary came out of surgery fine though was in some pain. We (wowo, susan, michael, lea, and myself) went to see her on thrusday. I got a little quesy but otherwise all was well. She was supposed to come home today but she was getting a blood transfusion, due to lack of blood and a rising temperature so it might be on sunday according to the doctor. I mean't to ask Barney last night which was it but I dozed off and he was asleep by the time I snapped out of it. ah well, I guess I shall just have to wait and see.

In other news...

Lea and I spent two days at her wowo's hanging out with mikey. We rented movies. We got:

1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
2. The House of Wax
3. The Ring
4. Tank Girl

I loved loved loved <3 <3 the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory remake. Johnny Depp was perfect for that role. It was great. I never actually finished The House of Wax because it was pretty stupid from the start. Lea finished it though and comfirmed that it was pretty stupid. The Ring I had already saw but we got it cuz lea hadn't and I guess Michael hadn't either. I always liked it and they enjoyed it as well. Tank Girl was frikkin awesome. Kudos to mikey for making me watch it.

I made icons! yay! I'm on a streetteam for the chronicles of Narnia and they asked us to maketh promotion icons, banner,etc. etc. so here they are. A little rushed since I didn't spend more than 5-10 minutes each....I LOVE TUMNUS....he is teh sex.

( Narnia Icons...you know you want 'em )

If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a memory of you and me. It can be anything you want, either good or bad. Even if we've never met in 'real' life. When you're finished, paste this little paragraph in your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people remember about you.

Today I carved a pumpkin and yes, I'm very well aware that halloween is over. I don't care, lol. I was sick on halloween and didn't get to do much so today I declared that the pumpkin was getting carved...invader zim style. :D I remember as a child my favorite part was taking out the seeds and goop. I hated using spoons cuz I wanted to feel it squish between my fingers. Now, tainted by the perverted egos of the world I hear that and thing something gross. XD However, retain the love for it and made Mary let me play with the seeds before she seperated them and cleaned them. Anyway, my pumpkin didn't come out as good as hoped but I did it for fun so I didn't care. My favorite part now, (other than the playing with the squishy stuff) is when you first take the top off and look into the pumpkin..its this beautiful web of orange and tan. Call me wacky but I find it really pretty. It looks so delicate and masterfully crafted..like a spider's web. I almost feel sorry for destroying it but then I remind myself the pumpkin will rot either way. Blah. pictures under the cut if you're interested. Sorry for the poor quality, lea and I had trouble getting the pumkin centered and I finally gave up and snapped a ton of pictures and took off. heehee.

( INVADER ZIM MADDNESS )

Lets see....

[_] Reoccuring nightmare that seems to only cease when the sun rises.
[_] two hours of sleep..most of which filled with the previous nightmare.
[_] a pounding headach.
[_] a deep irratating anger with all family members.
[_] things left unsaid.
[x] all of the above.

Yeah. I'm in a bitchy mood. I've had the same motherfucking morbid screaming nightmares for the past two weeks. The kind that makes you wish you'd go slightly blind just so you didn't have see all the gore...always with the same chalk white motherfucker who haunts me. Maybe venting will make him go away? Okay fine I'll try that..nothing better to do since I cannot sleep.

( DO NOT READ. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. )

Reminder to me:

DO MORE HOMEWORK YOU LAZY BIZNATCH. :|

Checklist:
[x] cup of hot chai w/milk and sugar
[x] decent fanfictions
[x] left-over halloween candy
[x] music on winamp
[_] sleep

Ah, the simple things in life. :]

I noticed livejournal changed a bit. Interesting. I like it.

My sister called me last night needing my help which I would be happy to give if she wouldn't keep bailing on my ass. Funny, ever had those relatives that only come around when they need something? This is how I feel about most of my family. Eh, I guess I'm sound like a shelfish bioch huh? maybe...but I'd give her my help if she'd call me back to let me know when she needs it. Ugh. frusterating.

( warning: angry rant ahead )

Flashback: Oct. 31, 2005

Trin: I love all the little kid costumes
Lea: I know little kids are so cute..they take the candy and run......greedy little bastards.
Trin/Lea: *lmfao*

End Flashback

Okay so my past two days have not been so great. On sunday I came down quite suddendly with the flu. It sucked ass, sparing you most of the horrible details I must have barfed around 50 times. Stomach acid is yellow...and tastes like earwax. yay. Yesterday was Halloween. Happy belated halloween peeps. I felt a little better..was actually able to keep food and water down. got dressed into some actual clothes and threw on my kitty ears for the hell of it. Heather came over a little later and is staying the night (its 1:24 AM) I have the headphones on right now because she snores loud enough to make me wanna take a gun to something.

I feel a little guily. Halloween is my favorite holiday and its lea's too and she was looking forward to the whole puca project (ailea) see her journal for details but I couldn't really leave the house due to the being sick and crap. Then I wasn't thrilled on the taking pictures because although I am feeling much better I still feel like shit. Not so much with stomach but everytime I stand my head starts spinning and energy is used up quickly. So when one feels like shit one usually thinks they look it too. She says not to worry about it but I still feel guilty.

I wonder how nee-chan's hallow's eve went...

My mom called me and wished me happy hallows...she knows its my favorite holiday. Always has been. She says she is gonna come visit me in about a week. I'm excited yet not. I know it will be short lived since she'll probably only stay for the day...Anyway my head is doing the spinning thing again so I'm gonna go lay down in the living room....(Heather kicked me out into the living room because I wanted to shut off the tv so I could sleep...and she wanted to watch it...I came in here 15 mins later and she was passed out sprawled out over where I'd be sleeping...snoring. fuck.)

---

My, this journal lacks recent entries. Alas, I altered the journal customications a little bit. Credited to lea for inspiration. Her coco-themed journal is awesome. Anyway the font may be harder to read for some people. :| I don't care. I like it. :P
---

In other news, I stayed the night at Heather's house last night.

Flashback:

Trin and heather: *sitting on Heather's bed playing blackjack with game money for bets*
Trin: *winning* MWA HA HA HA
Heather: If there is a god he will let me win this next round.
Trin: *grins and deals*
Trin: *hand: 21. one ace. one king* Either there is no god....or he doesn't like you very much.

End Flashback

It was pretty fun. Watched some Degrassi. CSI: Las Vegas. Ate stuff. Went to a late show of Tim Burton's The Copse Bride. Awesome movie...I was happy to finally see it. I'm probably gonna go again tommorow with my brother to watch something. I talked to my mom again..she still isn't sure on what she is going to do. Move back or fly home. My sister finally got a big spoonful of my crazy uncle Billy and apparently they are no longer on speaking terms.She admitted to my mom that the gracie stuff was true but avoided openly admitting she was wrong. Call me immature but after weeks of her hounding on me for talking to Gracie...when I get her on the phone I'm gonna greet her with a big fat "I told you so..."

I should do some homework right now. I read some of my history homework last night at Heather's but had trouble concentrating. The grammer homework is killer. Breaking down sentences into the five sentences patterns and then structures. I wanna talk to Nicole about the Algebra/Math Credits but I think I'll have to wait til next tuesday because I have a feeling she is gonna be dashing around worse than Alice in Wonderlands' white rabbit this tuesday. Apparently, the Juniors and Seniors are taking their exit examines. I can't wait for mine in the spring. I wanna be done with this horrid high school crap which is why I wanna take on another class to earn some more credits and hopefully graduate a year early.

So Halloween is this tuesday. I'm not throughly excited as I usually would be. Lea and I are doing this Puca Project thingy I guess...Renee is off with Jesse. I'm not sure what Heather is doing and Brandon I think is hanging out with Aric and Luis. Maybe heather can come here with us and do the puca project. Other than that I think we are just passing out candy to all the flithy earth worm babies that come to the door with sticky fingers and slobbery faces. *gags just thinking about it*
Still halloween has always been my favorite holiday...the Samhain for Wicca and I'm looking forward to that aspect of the holiday. Sadly after this local department stores like K-mart and Target will have to stop mixing Santa with giant pumpkins and witches along with turkeys. I just looooove corporate america. Come October...*gasp* Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas decorations all in one. *gags again*

I wish I had the buffy seasons on dvd. Well if I go to the movies tommorow maybe I can grab a few seasons from Sal. (He has all of them.) Eh, well I suppose this useless info will suffice until the next time I motivate my lazy arse to update. Yes, yes. I know...you'll pray that day very comes. ;P

Farwell my sexy muffins.

*excited* SQUEE!!!11

whoo, today so far has been a great day. Sal called me earlier and I talked to him for a while and shortly after my brother called. According to him he is now 5'6" which makes him taller than me. this does not thrill me but I haven't talked to him in so long...it felt so good. I forgot how much I missed him, lol. I'm rambling, I know..but then I called my mother because...

Oct. 19th was her birthday and recently Sprint joined with Nextel making the two companies as one. >_< I HATE HATE HATE LOATHE my phone service now. The signle fades more often. I'm almost always roaming when I never ever was and it takes forever to alert me when I have a new voicemessage sometimes it will be the next day before I find out about it. Its bullshit. So joy joy...on my mom's birthday my phone was tweaking..again so I assumed hers wasn't working either (We have the same model and service plan) so I didn't bother calling...well hers was working so I didn't call her on her birthday...which I felt terrible about. So my phone started working again today and I called her...only to find that she is in CALI. She had just gotten off the plan 30 minutes before...SQUEE.....excited...I must stop now...I'll finish later....