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snickers song

I <3 this frikkin commercial
wow. just wow

Ever had life come and bite you in the ass? I have. There are some days I just wake up and look around at all the people I love...who I care about and I want to cry because for as hard has my life has been and will be..I still feel so lucky. For all the shit I've seen and been through..I know there are people out there who have it so much worse. While I lived in a fucked up house there were people living under a bridge. I made it out and I'm not just existing like so many people I know...I'm living. I can finally walk into starbucks or save mart and start up a conversation with a stranger. I can finally have the confidence to start trying to drive again. I have the courage to listen to whatever I want and dance however I want. I live to the beat of my own drum and I feel so alive. Its intoxicating. I feel like I can do anything right now. I think I'm finally going to start writing again and this time I'm going to finish it..even if it frikkin kills me. I'm gonna start working out again and treating my body better. More than anything I'm gonna love who I am right now and let go of all the things in the past. I've learned and grown from them and now its time to move on. I've already dwelled too long on other people's problems. Michael is right..I stress way too much. I need to let go and just enjoy the ride of where life takes me. Of course try to direct it in the way I want to go but not so much that I feel like my life is falling apart when something doesn't go as planned. I've learned that I'm going to trip and fall and bruise something..probably a hundred more times before I die..but I know now, that I'll always have myself to pick me back up and I'll always have loved ones who will be there to help..should I need them. If I ever have a child..I don't want to be the kind of parent whose afriad to let them fall and make mistakes. I want him/her to experience life for all its worth..even the bad parts if it will make them grow. They say, "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger," and I agree but I also think it only applies if you let it make you stronger..if you choose to hide it may not kill you but it could cripple you in a sense..and then how are you really living anyways? I guess I'm kind of rambling. I've been avoiding updating this account for so long that all my thoughts are spilling out at once. The original point of this entry was to take a vow.

From now on I will take each day at a time with a positive outlook and hope. I will take a deep breath when things get hard and will continue on anyways. I will overcome any anxiety or depresson the arises because I know the inner me is strong. I will smile, laugh and hug more. I will make a point of being nice to strangers. I will be more open-minded about music. I will try new things..[even if they look gross/scary/hard.] I will work on my posture. I will eat more healthy.

I will not take out my frusterations on other people, instead I will find a new creative outlet. I will not stop learning for once I do I might as well be dead. I will not judge or hate any person in which I do not know. Even if I know them I will not hate on them...[everyone makes mistakes and we all are learning and growing.] I will not give up on playing pool. [xD] I will not let the sims 2 rule my life. I will not push away any more of my family. I will not give up.

<3 Trinity
Darth Vei

[ps. ignore the typos. its late and I don't really care so poo.]

Experience are major opinion changers


Its breath taking how quickly life changes. How a new thing begins while another comes to a screeching halt. Guess in the midst of it all I haven't really updated. I miss Renee. I miss Lana. I haven't talked to Heather since this morning and I'm utterly bored. Its weird being on the internet when I haven't for so long...I've checked all my messages and now I'm waiting like a sitting duck (I miss tom!) waiting for everyone to reply. I've been talking to Leslie and she gave me her cell number..she has changed so much..I've gotta bring her up here for a weekend sometime so we can party. Her spirit is so carefree now..its neat. I talked to Renee today through myspace...she sounded happy to see me..and she listed me as her best friend on her little myspace quizzy thingy so I was a happy Trin. *hums the imperial march* I have a whole new meaning to that song. :] but its a secret. Daniel would have been proud on how much of a myspace whore I looked like today...its not the site I like..I was just excited about reaching my friends again. Clay even replied to my message because I told him I was moving and my life was changing so I might not be able to talk much...and he replied asking if the changes were good or bad. It caught me off guard that he would even be interested but it sounded like he generally cared. I miss having a wider circle of friends. I miss going out with them. I guess since I'm in modesto now it might happen a little less but hey..I'm down in Los Banos every week anyway.

Which reminds me.

I finally talked to Steve.

yes. steve.
I'm glad I had heather to talk to afterwards...

Its nice to have someone who has the background of shit for a childhood. Someone like me. Not that I wish a bad childhood on her..but it helps to have someone relate. Her mom and my mom are so...alike..but mine is worse. Ironically, I still have major pride for my family..I'd never swear them the greatest or even try to justify them..but I am the only one who can talk shit about them. Heather is the same way. Honestly, my friends, I'm in disbelief at how differently these past two years are turning out. Perhaps..everything really does happen for a reason.

I'm trying to update this as much as possible without really saying anything, lol.

Job Hunting. :D always an interesting subject *coughLIEScough* I wanna work for either Barnes and Nobles or In Shape..but the girl at In Shape wanted to put me in the Day Care area. Ha. Its like she wants me to go to jail for murder. jkjk. Actually a couple of people have told me I'm good with kids. (They saw me and my nephew together) and as strange as this sounds...I know exactly what I'd name my kids should I ever *god forbid* have any. All this job hunting has made me seriously examine what I want to do with my life. I wanna get into fitness training but not take it as far as my sister...I don't want a masters in physical education or really to be a provider. I wish to write and I want to take courses on psychology. I want my own company. I want a house so I can have a dog and some cats. By the time I'm 25 I will have my own house.

OH OH. I'm changing my last name..I just don't know to what yet. haha. and yes..I am serious. :O

<3 Darth Vei

Books and stuff of d00m

I haven't updated in a while, no?

Well, today was a good day. Nee-chan has been here since yesterday because she stayed the night. She is actually staying another night but she is in the living room right now. We rented movies yesterday and I've been on a movie craze ever since. So far I've watched, in order as follows, Just Like Heaven,Waiting,and Red Eye. The first one was good. I loved Waiting and the third one was pretty dumb.


I bought new books on thursday when Heather, Lea and I went to Merced. I got:

Go Ask Alice
Shattered Mirror-Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Midnight Predator-Amelia Atwater-Rhodes
Pirates-Celia Rees
The Faery Reel-Various Authors
The Water Mirror-Kai Meyer

I already read Go Ask Alice it took me around half a day if that. I just started Shattered Mirror a few hours ago. I'm excited. Amelia Atwater-Rhodes has been my favorite author for a long time now and I finally have most of her books. I've read them all except the two I just bought...and I'm still waiting for Wolfcry to come out. Anyway, Mary was saying there is a song about Go Ask Alice so I was wondering if anyone knew who it was by because no one seems to know and I really wanna hear it. The book was so sad. I cried at a few parts. I think it was because it was so real and something so close to how people these days feel. Perhaps, I just relate really well to her. I realize it was a diary and therefore, her actual feelings, thoughts, ideas, but it was easier for me to wrap my brain around that with this book. For instance, Anne Frank was written back in the 1940's and she spoke with such maturity and intelligence for her age that its hard to picture her life and her as a real teenager. With Alice the things she went through were so real and so intimate I don't think I could have handled it if it had been me. Anyways, I better get going- I wanna check out some communites.




I've been feeling rather nostalgic lately. I believe its due to Heather moving and issues with my mother. There is a long story to that but right now I'm content and would rather not go into it. I just came across a lj community thats a pretty active music sharing community if anyone is interested. Its hard to find ones that are still active. Anyway its called addiction2music so you can go check it out if you want. I should probably get some sleep. Goodnight my friends.

Dragon hair


...for she is now equipped with RED hair. :O

^^ I dyed my hair red earlier today. I actually had to do it twice because the first time left lots of brown blondish blotches..the blotches incurred the wrath of darth vei and were elminated. I have a coldsore though..so that sorta sucks but its going away pretty fast. Poor lea, ailea she is sick and her bday is in two days..January 10th..so go give her hugs and luff. :P Heather is over here right now taking a bath to try to get glue out of her hair. eh. I would never do that to my hair. She put in hair extentions on her own and then wanted to take them out today because the glue was bothering her and she wanted to dye her hair...the hair extentions came out but the glue refuses to budge. >_< I don't envy her._.

Not much to really update. While my life has been stressful...I'm feeling rather content at this moment. Maybe later I'll take some pictures so you can see my fire head. :]

I guess its a little late..but happy new year everyone. may this year be better than last.

farewell my peeps.
Ever had those horrible moments in time when someone says something that makes you completely doubt your own ability to choose the right people to put in company with you? The kind of thing a person can say that makes you wonder if the trust you hold so dearly really was misplaced in the hands of another? How do you know who tells the truth when one is obviously lying. In a situation so delicate is there really a way to set a trap for the deciever? Is it better to just trust no one at all? I think...I'm confused.

hahahaha. Now there is an obvious diagnosis. I always call lea "Captain Obvious" I think she may have the right to call me the same about now...


and then there was a snake.

"When God created the first human beings, God led them around the garden of Eden and said: "Look at my works! See how beautiful they are -- how excellent! For your sake I created them all. See to it you do not spoil and destroy My world; for if you do, there will be no one else to repair it." R. Kohelet